CNN: All Reporters to Take Martial Arts Classes

In the aftermath of the protests in Egypt where CNN Anchor Anderson Cooper was punched and beaten by some protesters, CNN management has directed that all of its anchors and reporters take martial arts classes to protect themselves in the future.

When asked of the form of martial arts required to be taken, a CNN spokesperson responded that the choice is left to the anchor or reporter.

As of yesterday it has been reported that Anderson Cooper will take Karate classes, Wolf Blitzer Kungfu, John king Tae Kwon Do and Pierce Morgan Kickboxing.  As for co-hosts Kathleen Parker and Eliot Spitzer, rumors are that Kathleen Parker, who has called in sick this week, has spent the last few days taking Aikido classes convinced that she may need to use it against her co-host.  As for Eliot Spitzer, a close friend of Mr. Spitzer reveals that he managed to convince the network that Yoga is a form of martial arts and has since learned many of the yoga positions, including “Cow Face”, which is said to come easily to him.